Time To Start Being Bold

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You are out one night with a group of friends and you see someone who you like. They start to approach your direction, but you scuttle the other way, since you do not know what to say. The next day, you ponder over the fact why you struggled to pluck up the confidence to say hello. In this case, fear was a major factor and you pre-conditioned your thoughts to assume you were not good enough. Yesterday, I saw someone who I liked, but I didn’t go for it. Later on I thought, ‘come on Caroline, be bold!’ In life, we have nothing to lose and all to gain. If you do not receive the response you were hoping for, take away the lesson instead.

This scenario is a classic example and a lesson for many. We tend to defeat ourselves before we have even begun. In doing so, we actually prevent any life progressions. When we do not adopt bold behavior, we miss out on living life to the full, since we focus too much on the areas which hold us back. The scary fact is that the clock does not slow down for us, but we need to move with it. We all have got used to a certain way of living, which causes us to remain in our comfort zone. Life is too short to stay within the good old comfort zone. There are times when we should put ourselves on the edge.

 

Sending an email to yourself to let go

Ever thought of sending an email to your hesitant self and expressing your true thoughts? Instead of going after what we really want, we listen to Sir or Lady Hesitant who conflicts us further. We then remain one step back and one step forward. But one of the keys towards being bold is shutting out this feeling. Approach situations head on. If you see an opportunity which would be a great match, just go for it! Want to make peace with a certain someone? Then follow through.

 

Move the comfort zone from under you

This is the perfect time to try something new, which you can do for yourself. Pull open the curtain and dive in. Yes, this makes us vulnerable or afraid, but what better time to learn how to manage these feelings. When we are learning how to be bold, it is also an opportunity to get to know oneself better. By discovering how to be bold, we want to explore what is holding us back. If cracks appear, do not freak out as this is normal. Accepting your faults will help you move forward. I am in the process of doing this and it’s very beneficial.

 

Learn from the best

When developing the ability to become bold, finding an inspirational source can help you better understand yourself and this can be moulded into your daily life. The moment you start acting bold, your circumstances will change.

 

Why you just gotta say NO

Bold people are not afraid to say NO. If something does not feel right, you do not have to hang in there. By saying No, you are setting a boundary for yourself and others. The more you stick by this will reinforce who you are as a person.

 

Stick with what you want

Do not back down. Continue on the road you have chosen. Stand by your goals and follow through. Boldness makes sure, you do the things, you decide to do. Don’t let fear interfere with this.

 

Be a risk taker for once

At some point in our life, we should do something out of the ordinary. By taking a risk, we rattle ourselves and live on the edge. This helps us identify what our limits are and aspects about ourselves which we did not know before.

 

Asking for help is not a weakness

We all have tended to back away from asking for help, since we do not want to be judged. However, seeking help is not a bad thing. It’s a sign of strength. When we are comfortable with ourselves, then we become less afraid to show our real selves.

 

Speak your mind

Bold people are not afraid to speak their mind. Stand your ground and speak up. This can be a very gratifying experience. At the end of day, it’s your opinion which matters the most to you.

 

Walk with resilience

The challenges which come our way,require us to wear a mental armor. Do not let any little incident knock you down. Remember to stand tall and think of who you are. We have to conquer our battles and continue on.

 

Be prepared, but conquer your life with eyes open. Any incident you face will have a lesson behind it, which you can reflect upon.

 

By Caroline Peart

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Don’t Hang On To Your Ego

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Have you been through event which you just cannot move past? Do these thoughts constantly go round and round in your head? You feel like you are in a never ending vortex and the toxicity is sickening. It is generating more pain and suffering for you rather than the other person.

For the past few months, I have found myself just circling and moving back and forth. It’s quite simply exhausting and stressful. I am still processing some relationships, which came to an abrupt end and one where I have no clue what the current status is. Nonetheless, I have been dwelling and constantly drained! Someone the other day said to me, ‘just get over it, she clearly doesn’t want to know you’. Ok, I get it, but I feel like something keeps holding me back.

I have been holding onto past memories with these people, knowing that we do not share these memories anymore. We desperately want to resurrect the past and enjoy the times we had. I guess I fear that if I let go, I may not experience these times again, but this is not true. Holding onto memories will only be a reminder that we need to let go. We should not hold ourselves back from welcoming new partnerships either. A part of me was also wishing that in the future we may reconcile. But to be honest, there is no point clinging onto the future either. Since, our happiness does not lie with the people in question. We create our own happiness.

Our ego can be our worst enemy, since it constantly reminds us of how it wants to feel appreciated and loved. For the ego to be happy, it feels better to hang onto any situation, which is not good for us. What the ego loves the most is to feel better than anyone else. But we are all equal on an even playing field. There is no such thing as superiority and inferiority. This is just a complex created by our loveable friend; our ego.

In this case, it’s not the person in mind you cannot let go of, but the ego making things very difficult to move forward. Once you accept that this is the case, it becomes easier for you to see the situation more clearly and objectively. You can manage and control the ego and it’s feelings. Avoiding the past does not help you move on. It instead makes you desire for things to stay the same. Acceptance will bring you peace and help you to view memories with positivity rather than sadness.

With regard to the future, the person may not be in it, but that is ok. You can still be happy and open to new adventures. When we cling onto the future, does it mean you would have been happy on that path? Everything happens for a reason. All the people we meet are there to teach us a thing or two about ourselves.

Dealing with the ego, whenever something does not work out, will make us feel bad about it so we blame ourselves incessantly. Now we have to control it to not allow it to get the better of us. The ego wants us to pick faults in others and envy them too. It is ok to accept when you have been wrong and to apologise. This shows that you have a moral compass. I have learnt that I am not perfect and I am certainly not always right. Taking responsibility for my mistakes has helped me. I am working working on the above and getting better. It is worth setting your mind on becoming content to quiet down the chattering of the ego.

There are ways in which you can move past. Release the negative feeling, which is attached to the person. This negativity is only affecting you and not the other person. In order to do this, you must connect with your subconscious and not your conscious brain. Last night, I wrote a number of letters explaining how I felt to each and every one of those people and read them back to myself then tore the letters up. I let go and received peace. This was therapeutic. I highly recommend it.

Get rid of objects, which remind you of the people causing you pain and free up space in your life for new people. Remember that you are doing this to help yourself move on. In order to avoid any further negative feelings, write down what you are looking for in your life and use this as a guide for new relationships. Focus on introducing good and new energy into your life. Write down what makes you happy and alive!

 

By Caroline Peart

©All Rights Reserved

 

Don’t Suffer In Silence

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Each day goes by and I wonder when is this feeling of darkness going to end?!
Regularly, we go through our life with highs and lows like a rollercoaster. You wake up and the ride begins gradually moving up and descending down again. Rollercoasters have this thrill factor about them, which can be exhilarating but also scary. This can also be compared to how we feel on a daily basis.

We seem to struggle to maintain this positive feeling and have a tendency to let any little hiccup get in the way of how we feel. This also applies to the way we deal with our problems. For many years, I found it quite difficult to face up to my issues, which ultimately followed me everywhere I went. I made the choice to remain in darkness and not see the light.

As you can imagine in my rollercoaster analogy, the moment you descend lower, it can be an incredibly painful time and quite dark. When we become too consumed in our issues then we will start to push away everyone around us. Since we instantly think that no one will understand us. This causes us to think that no one can ever help us. Pushing away the ones who care is really not the best solution. The pain we create in our wake will become sharper and damaging to the ones around us and ourselves.

During part of 2014 and most of 2015 and 2016, I was involved in a relationship which had tremendous highs and lows. Friends and family were very concerned about my wellbeing, but I could not see clearly as I was as congested as a foghorn. I snapped at anyone who told me what I did not want to hear. Yes, I was selfish and self absorbed. I was unable to put myself in the shoes of others and creating pain to those surrounding me. But this was the lost and confused soul desperately trying to seek answers. We cannot really blame others or even ourselves for feeling this way. The only thing we can do is go through the motions.

When others come to us for advice, we should not push and only respect what they have to say. If we push those close to us then when they are ready, we may not hear from them again. At present, I am processing events which took place between myself and a “close” friend. We used to be quite close and then all of a sudden she ghosted me in May. At first, I didn’t quite understand the situation and only a few weeks into May I started to question what I may have potentially done. I attempted to make contact and sent her a nice email but I never received a reply. Then two nights ago, I bumped into her and it was quite painful. I received an answer, but whether it was the truth or not does not matter anymore. I received some kind of closure so I can move on.

I was able to draw in an interesting conclusion. The conversation her and I had mirrored what I had been going through previously. I thought that no one could help me and she claims this is the case for her too. But there is a support system for everyone. For many of us, we automatically assume that a support system can only be found in a family structure. This is not the case at all. We can choose our support system. This can be our friends, support groups, mentors, healers, therapists or even the church. There are people we can all resonate with and provide guidance so you are not alone.

There is no reason for anyone to suffer in silence. Amongst the 7 billion of people in this world, there must be similar minded individuals who are going through or have experienced the issues you are being faced with. We must not assume that everyone around us has not gone through pain. We all have or will at many different times in our lives assume this. Healing ourselves from these wounds will make us more mindful about what is yet to come. The last thing one can do is isolate themselves from the world and drown in their ocean of issues.

A support network is not only conducive when you are going through challenging times but also when you are in good spirits. We can all motivate and inspire each other to achieve our goals. It is comforting to know that their are people who have your best interests at heart. In light of recent events, I have felt inspired and compelled to create a support group in order to reach out to ones who are really in need. I would like to set an example to others that you are never alone! I have touched upon gratitude in my previous pieces as this is incredibly important. To place yourself outside of your problems for just a minute and appreciate the fact you are still breathing and can enjoy life is an amazing feeling!

One more tip before I round off. Before you start your day and go to sleep, simply remind yourself that there will always be somebody who will be looking out for you!
This applies to every single person out there.

 

By Caroline Peart

©All Rights Reserved

 

 

Seeing Life Through A Distorted Lens

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There are 7 billion people in this world who view life through their own distorted lens. Little do we know what is going on inside their heads. We are conditioned to see life from our own subjective self. Being able to view day to day life and other’s lives is quite difficult, since this requires us to be objective in our thoughts.

We can create a prison-like scenario in our minds with our thoughts almost to the point of strangulation. It is like a snake toiling around and the more you think, the grip gets tighter. I can speak from experience that we can become so caught up in our thoughts and assume that we are the only ones who suffer.

The vast majority of these 7 billion people go through this daily and are unable to put themselves in the shoes of others. We were created to hunt and survive. There was no inkling to learn empathy. We are also very egocentric, which causes us to be very self centered in our thoughts. This makes it difficult for us to consider the feelings of others.

Instead of wallowing in your own self, think about what others may be going through. We all have issues, which we are conflicted about. But the most important thing is how we process these thoughts. By remaining in this ‘me, myself and I’ mode, you will remain in a stasis. You will also prevent yourself from growing and gaining the necessary experience to ground yourself in life.

This is also a sign of not appreciating what you have in your own life. Once you start to show gratitude then you may eventually start seeing things differently. During our life, we were not taught how to understand others and their feelings. We have gone through life idealising people rather than getting to know people for who they really are.

In some of my relationships and friendships, I have realized over time that I never got to know these people and what they are really like. At the same time, I was misunderstood. Ever wondered why friendships, relationships and families fall apart? The simple answer is because there is no understanding.

Back to the subject of empathy, equipping yourself with such a characteristic can benefit you considerably throughout your life. You will become better at reading signs and understanding others around you. We are less likely to take life for granted when we can put ourselves in the shoes of others.

There is a high trend of people who choose to escape their issues, but believe me this is not the answer. You have to approach your issues head on. Our issues can follow us until we are forced to work on them. Do not allow your issues to grow into something bigger than they really are. Put the snake to sleep!

This may cross your mind, but how could I empathize with someone who put themselves in this position? We have all, unwittingly, at some point in our life ended up in a situation, which could have been avoided. But this way of thinking is regressive. More importantly, if you were going through the motions of what the person in question is going through, then you would think, how can I move forward? I feel that we are being guided metaphysically. Even in scenarios, which could have been prevented in hindsight, we were meant to go through them to be taught valuable life lessons. If I were you, I would leave the ego at the door and show some understanding.

Here’s a little tip. The next time someone comes to you with their issues, take a step back and listen. Also, step outside of your thoughts for a minute and do not project your situation on them. Try to understand them and show compassion and kindness. You will be surprised how far this will go. Be mindful when you give them your opinion. Only until you know someone well enough can you give direct and honest advice. To this very day, I am learning the hard way.

Learning more about the surroundings of others will help you to offer the appropriate support. These points are the key in helping you to better understand the needs of others you welcome into your life.

 

By Caroline Peart

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