There’s No Excuse For Abuse

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Ever felt completely powerless in a situation where you could not protect yourself?
I know this feeling since I have been in this familiar place before. This is like being in a prison where you cannot break free. You are holding onto the bars with all this force, desperately calling out for help, but no one can can hear you. This, I am afraid, is what it is like to be involved in a scenario with an abusive person whether it’s physical or emotional.

Abuse can occur in any aspect of your life. For many of us, it is being able to shield ourselves from these toxic scenarios. Little do we know whether a person can be abusive or not. Yes, red flags can be evidence, but this may not be enough for us to walk away for good. We only really find out when we get particularly close with the people in question. The moment they become comfortable, the mask comes off and the true colors remain.

When we first exchange words with someone who has the potential to be abusive, we are unable to recognize or interpret the signs. I and many others have not been educated in this. I am afraid that schools today do not teach us how to deal with toxic situations and identify who has good intentions or not amongst a plethora of things. This causes us to crash and burn instead. We learn the hard way through our mistakes.

Abuse does not begin during the first encounter. It can develop half way through and once the victim is completely immersed. The abuser scouts its victims and sticks their claws in when ready. Beware of the comments and especially the frequency. If an unkind comment is thrown your way, we respond accordingly and brush away. However, if this becomes continuous then this is not acceptable. No human being should have to tolerate this behavior ever.

What is not discussed often is the perspective of the abuser. How do they perceive the situation? We are not born to be abusers and neither is the abuser. Any unresolved incidents involving certain feelings can be carried through life. These feelings can be mirrored into their relationships with others. These feelings include a classic feeling of disappointment where the abuser has experienced disappointment in their own life. Shall the other person do something which doesn’t agree with them, this will trigger off these thoughts. This will instantly give them a so called right to hold this action against the other person. Abusers like to feel entitled, but no one is entitled; we all have to earn and work hard to earn respect. This feeling of entitlement can come from being given what they always wanted during their childhood. Low self esteem is very much linked to being in control and hurting others to make themselves feel better. This is short lived. The victim will catch on quickly and leave. Deadly high levels of jealously, which they describe as caring, can suffocate the victim and make them feel boxed in. I remember whoever I befriended caused issues, since when is it anyone’s choice about who I spend my time with? Yet this raises hairs for abusers, since this makes them feel insecure. As discussed, here are some of the many traits which cause people to be abusers.

Since they lack empathy, they have an inability to put themselves in the shoes of others so they are unable to see life objectively. Whenever they abuse, they will never stop to see things from your perspective. So please do not persuade them to adopt this approach as it will never happen. An abusive person can change, but only if they want too. This should not your responsibility. You could spend a very long time trying to achieve an outcome which may never happen.

What I have learnt is that whenever you are involved in a situation such as this, do not allow yourself to suffer in silence. Surround yourself with people who can help you. There are people who can support and guide you to leave this situation and move onto better things. Do not let the person who abuses you reduce you until you cannot do anything; especially before he or she gets physical. A few years ago, my ex and I were arguing in the car and he accused me of not caring about him and laid a hand on me. It was absolutely horrifying! He quickly said, ‘sorry baby’ and then said ‘you make me like this’ etc. For a good while after, I could not stop picturing the incident and we ended our relationship shortly after. The signs were so obvious months earlier, but I thought if I could change myself it would work. How naive could I be! You should never have to change yourself for someone. This is the sign that the person you are involved with is really not suitable.

My advice to you all is not to hang in a situation which is dragging you down. Your wellbeing is what really matters at the end of the day. The earlier you cut ties, the less damaging it will be to your own mental self. We cannot remain in an illusion and not face up to reality. The truth is we only get one shot at life and this can flash quickly in front of us. Focus on yourself and welcome the good into your life and flush out the negative.

 

By Caroline Peart

©All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why it’s better to be in control of your emotions

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At some point in our life we have been reckless with our emotions, often throwing caution to the wind. We are also less likely to address our feelings and actions, meaning we make the same mistakes again and again. Eventually, this can cause us to have a breakdown and be in a period of stasis since in such a situation we don’t know how to proceed further. I have had my share of misfortune and pain as a consequence of not always being mindful of my emotions. The interesting fact is, we become less immature once we understand why we behave in certain ways.

If we do not understand our emotions then they can get the better of us. Accept that it is ok to feel sad, but realise that you will come out of it as it is only an emotion and you have the choice to change this thought.

We also have a higher chance of getting too attached to others when we fail to accept ourselves. This causes us to seek acceptance in others. Also, a lack of confidence causes us to react strongly to the most trivial things.

It is important to address our mistakes so we can change and evolve. At the end of the day, we would like to build deep and meaningful relationships with people, but with a higher level of awareness, we will be able to better maintain them.

Focus on the following areas to help you understand your emotions better;

 

Stop running away or escaping from your thoughts

You will need to address them to prevent them from growing into a mountain from a molehill. If we learn how to manage them then we can avoid overreacting and mismanaging.

 

Identify the reasons behind your emotions. For example, what causes you to feel sad?

Find the trigger, which causes you to feel this type of emotion. Unresolved past events can prove to be reasons for us to respond in certain ways. I know for myself, I had not forgiven what had happened. So I would be easily triggered and end up in an emotional mess. The fact is that you cannot change what has happened but you can accept it.

In life, accept that events may not go the way you had hoped. This does not mean that you have failed. So please do not misunderstand.

 

Write down your emotions

It can be quite amazing how writing down your emotions can benefit oneself. Some of us are better at expressing our emotions by writing them down than verbally. Truth be told, this is me. When I express myself by writing down my emotions, I feel like I am releasing any built up tension. It is not wise to bottle up feelings and emotions. I highly recommend trying this and then reading them back to yourself to process all internal pain and trauma.

 

Take a step back and review

Instead of diving head first into a situation, try listening to the other person’s thoughts. Put yourself in their shoes. This can help you respond accordingly.

 

Surrounding yourself with positivity

People with negative energies can rub off onto you. In order to help you move forward, be around people with a positive attitude. This will be a good start to encourage you to begin thinking in a more uplifting way. Taking up an activity which you will derive pleasure and satisfaction from will help you to generate positivity.

 

These are some of the ways, which you can adopt to help you on your way to better controlling your emotions. The sooner you start, your life will become more enjoyable and grounded.

 

 

By Caroline Peart

(c)All Rights Reserved

 

The rise of AI in education

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Far into the future, you may not even need to attend an onsite location to receive your education. “Susie” will be assigned to you and guide you through your study journey. This may sound daunting to many but actually this is something quite amazing for all future learners.

Susie, as mentioned above, is a powered and programmed bot with emotional intelligence capabilities. This is a virtual teacher. One which you can potentially have a two-way conversation with.

 

How can AI benefit future education?

Education today has moved away from the focus of empowering and bettering students. Instead, its learners are being churned out like cogs in machines.

We are taught predominately facts rather than skills that we ultimately need.

Many of us are pushed in certain directions and get left behind. I believe that artificial intelligence will reinforce the importance of learning and how everyone can benefit from it.

 

Catering for different types of learners

We do not all learn the same way which is not bad, but for many educational institutions they have struggled to fulfil the needs of these different learners. I am referring to learning via visual, reading, spatial and auditory. Since being unable to help them, these students feel incapable and useless. AI will ensure that no student will encounter any of these feelings. The virtual teacher will work alongside the student and will tap into what exactly the student needs.

 

No more “special needs” schools

Roll over special schools, the latest technology will completely eradicate the purpose of these institutions. No longer will a child need to be pulled out of mainstream education. Virtual education will be able to cater for everyone. Who said these learners were never capable of really excelling academically?

 

Limiting social prejudice

Our society today places a tremendous pressure on students to study particular courses which will lead to the best universities. This causes competition for people to be in the best classes or they miss out. Is this the way education should be? AI will make education fairer and give everyone an opportunity to succeed the best way.

 

Equality made possible

As I mentioned in the above paragraph, education must not be boxed in and only offer opportunities to people at certain periods of time. There must be a gateway to those who do achieve when they are ready. This is why we must have equality and the technology will assist with making this possible.

 

Encouragement and empowerment

Suzie will operate on demand and help students to stay on track. She will never demotivate. One of the many reasons why people do not succeed is due to a lack of confidence. Many young people feel a disconnect between themselves and their teachers. This comes down to the fact that these teachers have not been empowered during their own experiences. It’s inevitable that these feelings can be filtered down.

In order to help the next generation, we must make sure that a great deal of encouragement and inspiration is transferred.

 

Say goodbye to bullying and hello to harmony

Our educational structure makes it more likely for students to be singled out and ostracised, which in a way makes way for bullying. Virtual teachers can be used from anywhere removing the need for children to be at school. This can in turn reduce the possibility of unkind behaviour. If this can successfully be achieved via virtual teachers, then it will make learning more enjoyable. The children who are under constant bickering actually end up turning their backs on education.

The future of education can be very promising if we find ways around making it more encouraging and beneficial to others.

 

Caroline Peart

(c)All Rights Reserved