Have you been through event which you just cannot move past? Do these thoughts constantly go round and round in your head? You feel like you are in a never ending vortex and the toxicity is sickening. It is generating more pain and suffering for you rather than the other person.
For the past few months, I have found myself just circling and moving back and forth. It’s quite simply exhausting and stressful. I am still processing some relationships, which came to an abrupt end and one where I have no clue what the current status is. Nonetheless, I have been dwelling and constantly drained! Someone the other day said to me, ‘just get over it, she clearly doesn’t want to know you’. Ok, I get it, but I feel like something keeps holding me back.
I have been holding onto past memories with these people, knowing that we do not share these memories anymore. We desperately want to resurrect the past and enjoy the times we had. I guess I fear that if I let go, I may not experience these times again, but this is not true. Holding onto memories will only be a reminder that we need to let go. We should not hold ourselves back from welcoming new partnerships either. A part of me was also wishing that in the future we may reconcile. But to be honest, there is no point clinging onto the future either. Since, our happiness does not lie with the people in question. We create our own happiness.
Our ego can be our worst enemy, since it constantly reminds us of how it wants to feel appreciated and loved. For the ego to be happy, it feels better to hang onto any situation, which is not good for us. What the ego loves the most is to feel better than anyone else. But we are all equal on an even playing field. There is no such thing as superiority and inferiority. This is just a complex created by our loveable friend; our ego.
In this case, it’s not the person in mind you cannot let go of, but the ego making things very difficult to move forward. Once you accept that this is the case, it becomes easier for you to see the situation more clearly and objectively. You can manage and control the ego and it’s feelings. Avoiding the past does not help you move on. It instead makes you desire for things to stay the same. Acceptance will bring you peace and help you to view memories with positivity rather than sadness.
With regard to the future, the person may not be in it, but that is ok. You can still be happy and open to new adventures. When we cling onto the future, does it mean you would have been happy on that path? Everything happens for a reason. All the people we meet are there to teach us a thing or two about ourselves.
Dealing with the ego, whenever something does not work out, will make us feel bad about it so we blame ourselves incessantly. Now we have to control it to not allow it to get the better of us. The ego wants us to pick faults in others and envy them too. It is ok to accept when you have been wrong and to apologise. This shows that you have a moral compass. I have learnt that I am not perfect and I am certainly not always right. Taking responsibility for my mistakes has helped me. I am working working on the above and getting better. It is worth setting your mind on becoming content to quiet down the chattering of the ego.
There are ways in which you can move past. Release the negative feeling, which is attached to the person. This negativity is only affecting you and not the other person. In order to do this, you must connect with your subconscious and not your conscious brain. Last night, I wrote a number of letters explaining how I felt to each and every one of those people and read them back to myself then tore the letters up. I let go and received peace. This was therapeutic. I highly recommend it.
Get rid of objects, which remind you of the people causing you pain and free up space in your life for new people. Remember that you are doing this to help yourself move on. In order to avoid any further negative feelings, write down what you are looking for in your life and use this as a guide for new relationships. Focus on introducing good and new energy into your life. Write down what makes you happy and alive!
By Caroline Peart
©All Rights Reserved